The Top 15 Signs That
Microsoft Owns Part of Apple
15. Apple's stock fell only 25% last week.
14. Bill Gates's birthday now a paid holiday for Apple employees.
13. Default Mac startup sound changed to "Taps."
12. Wall Street brokers have stopped using Apple stock certificates
as toilet paper.
11. Apple's new slogan: "Almost as good as Windows!"
10. Apple has been bent over with its pants dropped for so long
now, even a geek like Bill Gates was bound to get lucky.
9. Cute rainbow-colored apple now inhabited by cute
8. Microsoft comes out with an operating system incorporating Mac
technology... uh, wait a minute...
7. Phone and utilities mysteriously start working again at Apple's
6. Steve Jobs seen tending bar at the Gates' private lawn party.
5. Diners in Microsoft's staff cafeteria can now enjoy their apple
pie purely for its wholesome goodness and no longer as a
symbolic act of global domination.
4. Unsold Newtons used as cobblestones in Gates's driveway.
3. Apple Employee of the Month gets to hunt loose change at
2. New Apple employee dress code includes large "Property of
B. Gates" tattoo on ass.
and the Number 1 Sign That Microsoft Owns Part of Apple...
1. Bill Gates still burned in effigy, but upper management no
[This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc.]
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